Blue Reflection is the type of game that really makes you think. Things like why oh why couldn’t I have had a massive heart attack before I played it so I’d never have to put myself through this absolute turd people had the audacity to call a game!

For a little context I HATE JRPGs. I also hate schoolgirl animes. I think aside from Dragon ball Z I’ve never really been able to get into an anime in my life so as soon as I saw the Red Refraction art style I knew I was in for a bad time. Even more so when I saw it was turn based combat… something that no series aside from Final Fantasy has ever done well.

So to review it… where do I begin? I guess I’ll begin where it all started. The opening. You take the role of Hinako a new girl in the most stereotypical anime high school who has been learning her people skills from Batman, Cloud Strife and Gordon Freeman as she meanders around the school slowly trying to avoid eye contact as much as possible. Upon finally chatting to another student Hinako watches as the school chum apparently catches on fire and laughs manically. All pretty standard for anime so far. You’re then transported to an alternate world when Hinako is assaulted by what looks like a Megazord with anorexia that forces our moody hero to fall into a stream and BOOM there’s the obligatory wet t-shirt shot that made me think I might be going to jail but presumably made weeaboos around the world sit up a little straighter and get excited for what comes next.

What comes next has haunted my dreams since I witnessed it. Listening to a pair of high pitched voices that only she can hear (because why the fuck wouldn’t you?) Dinoco suddenly learns she can TRANSFORM! And by transform I mean some sailor moon copying bullshit with a few twirls, subtle nudity, bows being attached to a brand new tutu and the kind of jiggle physics that would put Dead or Alive to shame. What follows is a jumbled mess of exposition that makes no sense and battles that have all the excitement of watching your mum do the ironing while she’s watching antiques roadshow because there’s “nothing else on”.

So yeah maybe I’m a little bit biased about the subject matter but hold up lets talk a little about the mechanics too and you’ll understand. Blue Reflection doesn’t even have the good graces to balance it’s weeaboo pleasing ways by being a good game. Janky frame rates that make ol’ Hinakook look like she’s either skipping everywhere or moonwalking. A soundtrack that consists of about 3 songs and only one battle theme that blasts out on repeat during every fight slowly drilling into your skull until you want pull your ears off and cry in a corner remembering happier times.

Like I said before Final Fantasy is the only game series I’ve seen that gets turn based combat right and Blue Rejection proves that with the most broken and tragic combat system I’ve ever had the misfortune to use with attacks lining up and seemingly doing jackshit! I lost count of the number of times that I had to use a move just to find out exactly what it was going to do since the descriptions make no sense and most attack names are written in French in some desperate attempt to seem more fancy…or maybe neckbeards just love anime with French terms? I don’t know. I have a full beard…

Now lets talk summons. Every JRPG I’ve seen has them. Massive monsters you can call upon in dire times to save your ass with sick looking super moves. Right? Well someone on the Purple Distractions dev team seems to have forgotten that and instead your summons consist of MORE school girls coming to your rescue by apparently (and this is completely serious) serving a tennis ball at your enemies or doing a little bit of ballet dancing… and guess what?! That does more damage than I can! What!?

You know what I’m done! There’s nothing more to say. It’s clear that there’s a market for this game and is also clear that that market won’t be reading this review. Mostly because they’ll be too busy shining their anime doll collection and cuddling up to a love pillow deciding which fedora to wear tomorrow. If you like Anime good for you but I can grantee you still won’t enjoy this broken whiney mess of a game that had a development team more focused on making tits bounce about than making a fight that made any sense! It’s over! I’m done! Peace out!

Blue Reflection gets