Anyone who knows me knows that I have a real problem with guns. Not so much a moral objection, more that guns are just really fucking dull! Oh wow you shot a guy – SO IMPRESSIVE! Now when we start making the guns bigger, more flashy, more… Gamey… Now we’re talking…
…So I decided to talk for a while about some of my favourite weapons in games. Guns and melee are included but no real world weapons will appear on this list, because fuck real life.
Soul Edge – Soul Calibur Franchise
Demon weapons are cool. What’s cooler? Demon weapons that turn into whatever you’re best with! Soul Edge is basically a living creature that becomes a badass sword / staff / hammer / whatever the hell you want. I mean sure it slowly possesses you and makes big gross eyes appear on your chest but that’s a fair trade for insane power right!? Right?
BFG-9000 – DOOM Franchise
Another thing that’ll make any weapon instantly cool. Call it “BIG FUCKING GUN” and make sure it fits that’s name perfectly. The BFG takes up the entire screen and when fired launches a green orb of energy that turns every hellbeast in your line of sight into a pile of dust making you feel like a badass and probably pissing off every janitor in the Martian base.
Leviathan Axe – God of War (PS4)
I’ve made it clear before that Kratos is my spirit guide… So what makes Kratos better? Giving him a beard and an ice axe that comes back to him when thrown! The Leviathan Axe is a beast of a weapon that hits heavy and can create some awesome and deadly ice sculptures when you slam it into the ground. Plus it looks awesome with its massive blade and engraved runes.
Gunblade – Final Fantasy VIII
There are a fair few Gunblades knocking around in fiction these days but let’s focus on the most iconic. The Revolver from Final Fantasy 8! Starting weapon of moody lad and leather clothing enthusiast Squall Leonhart, the Gunblade mixes the best of both worlds. You really need me to explain this? You really that dumb? Alright fine. It’s a sword… With a fucking gun in it. Slash slash bang bang.
Stormbreaker – Marvel’s Avengers (Thor)
The first and last movie weapon on the list but interestingly the second axe… I might have an obsession. Anyway, so after Thor’s sister Galadriel breaks his precious hammer in Ragnarok, we all thought that Thor would be a hand to hand fighter. However, the glorious god has other plans, and during Infinity War he has Tyrion Lannister forge him the epic war axe Stormbreaker! Sure Mjolnir was pretty good but Stormbreaker takes the title because A) it’s literally made to kill Thanos, and B) it can summon the god damn bifrost!
Morph-gun – Jak II: Renegade / Jak 3
How do you change a happy go lucky chap like Jak into an unadulterated badass? Gun. How do you take that to the next level? Many guns… In one. Yes the morph-gun is actually four guns stuffed into one casing, switching on the fly between a shotgun, rifle, LMG and direct energy weapon the Peacemaker. Flipping between each and laying waste to a gaggle of unprepared bad guys never gets old! Though the highlight will always be the Peacemaker, partly because it gives your gun a rad purple dragon motif but also because shooting a solid ball of energy at someone is always great!
Energy Sword – Halo Franchise
Surely we all remember it. Halo local multiplayer, you’ve had a falling out with your mate, it’s time to settle the score and what better way than drawing Energy Swords on a small map and having that 1v1. Duelling with these crackling energy forks was always tense as you waited to see who would make the first mistake! Getting that perfect one hit lunge to your rivals back was always so satisfying. There aren’t many weapons quite so iconic in gaming but I think the energy sword holds the top spot for many just because it comes with great memories!
Beowulf – Devil May Cry Franchise
The Devil May Cry series is no stranger to sick weapons! Hell a key part of the appeal comes from collecting all the cool and unique Devil Arms. So picking just one was a nightmare but here I am. Beowulf, DMC 3’s offering for a gauntlets and greaves set. Using the power of light and letting Dante throw out some mean martial arts moves the Beowulf is just the most fun weapon to throw into a combo chain, and as an added bonus when not in use Dante still wears them while using his secondary weapon so not only do you get Bruce Lee moves you also get to look cool! Oh, and remember when using them to combine them with the sword master style and suddenly Dante can throw out GOD DAMN HADOUKENS!!!!