Godzilla vs Kong, it’s an age-old question asked on school yards around the world. Big Monkey doing battle with a giant radioactive lizard. It’s a question that was answered in 1962 actually (Kong won) but still as the kids and drunk men in pubs discuss, it’s a battle that comes down to personal opinion more than anything, but with the new spin on the battle coming to the big screen, well not really because pandemic but whatever, I felt it was time for me to explain exactly who would and should win, and exactly why it’s King Kong who has it in the bag.

Almost romantic really

I mean the simplest argument I can make for the giant gorilla is, thumbs. That’s it, Kong has opposable thumbs and therefore a gigantic advantage over a lizard. I can’t stress enough how useful those 2 digits (or in Kong’s case as an ape… 4) will be in a fight. It’s pretty hard to grab and throw something with big lizard claws, most times Zilla is show grabbing anything its in his mighty jaws, but with Kong’s superior reach and ability to close his hands around an object it’s safe to say he can keep those chompers at a safe distance.

Kong was a huge fan of the Infinity War ending

Now hand in hand with his greater… hands… Kong can use this available dexterity to bring tools to the equation. Can we all agree that one of the best parts of giant robot vs kaiju movie Pacific Rim was Gypsy Danger’s use of a oil tanker as a sword? Well guess what, that’s the kind of nonsense our favourite Empire State free climber can pull off. In fact, in the recently dropped trailer for the new film, Kong does seem to be wielding tools a couple of times!

Now these ideas will work wonders if Kong is facing off against Godzilla, and to be fair the title sure does make it seem that way. However, the sleuths of the internet have studied the upcoming film trailer and noticed a few bits and pieces that suggest maybe the Zilla we are seeing isn’t the fleshy monstrosity we are used too. Maybe there is something more mechanical at foot…

Sure it’s the wrong film, but this one looks rad!

Thanks to people painstakingly analysing each frame of the trailer its now pretty clear that weaponized super iguana Mechagodzilla will also be in the film, possibly as the true villain of the picture. Let’s face it here, if either one of the named characters lose then there will be massive backlash from the fanbase of said kaiju. So, the most likely outcome will be both creatures coming across a common enemy. Somehow the humans, regardless of their tiny weakness seem to have Kong captured… how did they pull this off when his sheer size and strength in this iteration basically make this impossible. That makes me think that rather than his original origin story as an alien machine sent to mess with humanity, old robo lizard will in fact be a human creation made to bring down the Titans as they’re known.

All this is obviously speculation and wishful thinking but hey here I am rooting for a giant gorilla to beat up a giant walking powerplant… It could go either way or like I say, a third way involving a bad ass giant robot!