Right then folks, my piece of each of my favourite games has been done and I kept it nice and SFW for you all… But this list…
…Ho boy, this list is the one that features all the broken messes I played over the past 10 years. The games that disappointed me so much and made me lose all faith in the developers. I promise no SFW boundaries in this list and I won’t even promise that this list is going to be written in a nice way for you all to read as I am liable to lose my mind as I recount these ones…
So here we go, it’s time to discuss the absolute shit stains from the past 10 years, also remember guys… 2010 was YEAR 1 of this decade.
Remember Mother Brain? Remember this terrifying looking thing?
How about if I told you they cloned Mother Brain and she was a woman named Madeleine Bergman now? Yeah. That’s what everyone thought when the game released too. Other M came hot(ish) off of the back of the Metroid Prime series and should have been what heralded Metroid into the generation but instead it doomed the franchise for years until the switch. Missing two generations out after this abysmal piece of shit.
Yeah some of the cool Metroid mechanics were there but the level design (in a level driven game) were so boring that Other M just shouldn’t of been allowed to exist.
I know Duke Nukem forever came out in 2011 but hear me out, Brink had so much potential to be my favourite game of the year and unlike Duke Nukem Forever it wasn’t doomed before it was even off of the ground.
EVERYTHING about Brink was utter garbage trash, the mechanics of the game were supposed to change everything we knew about games and make all future games better… Instead they should have been left on the cutting room floor as nobody wanted or liked the things the game added.
Alright look, this one hurts. Operation Racoon city took elements and story from my favourite game in the whole franchise and just shat all over it with a crappy multiplayer game that attempted to ruin the canon.
I HATE Operation Racoon City and just thinking about it is making so angry. The game doesn’t even get by on having half decent gameplay mechanics. Everything was just a cut and paste… Which would be fine if they cut and pasted from a good game.
Luckily Capcom have gone back to the drawing board with Resident Evil 7 and back to basics with the Resident Evil 2 remake. Loved those but…
Fuck you operation Racoon city.
2013 is the infamous year in gaming that gave us some absolute shockers like Alien: Colonial Marines, Ride To Hell, That fast and furious game for some reason and Dark and that abysmal TMNT Game.
I just, I cant right now 2013.
Oh Sonic. You had the potential to win us all back. Sonic Generations is so god damn good and we all just asked, nay we BEGGED you to just simply give us more of that.
So why, WHY Did you give us Sonic Boom? I’m not even mad at you at this point. Given your recent track record with the hedgehog I am just disappointed that I had the faith you could do us right and bring him back.
Im not angry with you for this Sega, I’m just disappointed.
THE FRANCHISE WAS FINALLY BACK AFTER A LONG HIATUS. The studio that brought us the absolutely untouchable Pro Skater and Underground series had returned and promised us the skateboarding game we had been missing form our lives for so long.
What we got was: Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 5. A Clunky, Bare bones, shameless cash grab that wasn’t even a shadow of it’s former self. It was a crappy mirror image of what would happen if Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater existed in a timeline where everything good was shit.
I didn’t play through No Mans Sky because from the moment it was announced id already called bullshit on it, so with no crappy experience to hate or be disappointed by it didn’t really affect me.
You know what did? Umbrella Corps.
How could it get worse than Operation Racoon City I thought? Nothing can be worse than that game surely? That’s what I told myself all the way home once I bought Umbrella Corps and I HONESTLY cant believe how god damn wrong I could be.
NOBODY WANTS A MULTIPLAYER TACTICAL SHOOTER FROM YOUR HORROR FRANCHISE CAPCOM.
Touhou Kobuto V is what happens if you take anime brawlers like the Ultimate Ninja storm series and remove all the memorable characters. All the abilities associated with those characters and assume it makes up for it by having some anime tiddies.
It doesn’t. Stick to bullet hells.
When reviewing this game I said that the only “Agony” about this game was the fact I was being forced to put actual hours of my life into playing the game.
On paper the game looked incredible and its very well documented I am often chomping at the bit for horror games and anything that could possible scare the bejeesus out of me and I really hoped Agony would do that for me.
The only way this game managed to scare me was to ensure I lose all hype for games ever until I am proven otherwise. Bland level design, disgusting visuals and boring “run and hide” gameplay ensured I gave this game a bit fat no.
We did a series recently on whether Anthem was good yet where I repeatedly argued that the fun as hell gameplay and actually alright story meant that yeah. Anthem was good and I couldn’t understand why people didn’t like it.
I was loving playing it with Will and Lance and thought the Cataclysm game mode that got introduced was brilliant.
…That was until the second half of the game hit and we realised we were doing the same thing over and over and over and over, we had perfected the cataclysm and it gave us nothing anymore and OH MY GOD THE ENDING.
An ending so so so bad that as soon as the credits rolled me and Will just said “no” at the same time and uninstalled the game.
Anthem was supposed to be the game that saved Bioware, it was supposed to be the game that stopped the evilness of EA in 2018 and 2019 but instead… It joined them. I’ll sign this out with the following image:
