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5 Things That Sucked About Solo: A Star Wars Story!

 

Let’s talk about Solo… I’m a huge Star Wars fan, in fact, I’d probably call myself Respawning’s go to Star Wars guy… So obviously I went to see Solo: A Star Wars Story a few weeks back, and for the first time in my Star Wars loving life I was not blown away. Don’t get me wrong, I liked the film, but there were just a few things I REALLY didn’t like. I decided to compile those things into a little article so please read on but beware of MAJOR SPOILERS below.

5) Emilia Clarke as Qi’Ra

There was a lot of fuss about this casting before the release, and obviously we all know why Emilia Clarke is a fantastic actress and adding her the universe could only go well… Except it didn’t. I spent the entire film openly hoping she would get shot. Qi’Ra adds so little to the plot it’s hilarious. Added as Han’s love interest she basically is there to banter with him occasionally in such a way that really it could have all been left to Lando and as for her turncoat ways revealed in the finale…*yawn* this isn’t new really it was so predictable even the Star Wars non fan I went with could see it coming.

4) Han –insert name here-

Early in the film Han uses an Imperial recruitment centre to avoid capture and signs up to the Imperial Navy. During the sign-in, he is asked to give his name and simply says Han, mentioning that he never had a family to give him a family name. The recruiter on the spot types in Solo, denoting his status of being alone… And there you have it… Han’s famous name is the result of fucking paperwork!

3) Release the space Kraken

During the infamous Kessel run we finally get to see how Han completed the route in 12 parsecs! Something fan boys and girls have wanted for years! The scene overall is brilliant with a Tie Fighter chase through a nebula with debris and lightning everywhere! Unfortunately the whole thing comes to a halt when the Falcon is confronted with a goddamn space kraken… That’s right, a tentacled monstrosity… IN SPACE! I know void breathing creatures are nothing new in the lore but this is so jarring it completely takes you out of the moment!

2) Opening boredom

What’s worse than a film with a weak ending? A film with a weak opening. Solo’s entire first 20 minutes is like watching paint dry. With the antics of a super young Han as a hustler on Corellia that does very little to the overall plot and being just ends up being… Dull. The only thing worth talking about is a pretty cool speeder chase, but even this is hampered by being almost entirely grey and actually looking pretty slow!

1) THAT cameo

So anyone who has seen the film will probably say the best part is when we learn that the crime syndicate villains Crimson Dawn weren’t actually lead by Dyden Voss, but in fact every one’s favorite thing about the prequels; Darth Maul is the shadowy leader. Appearing minutes before the credits he serves to look intimidating and scare Qi’ra a little. That’s cool, don’t get me wrong… But it’s so pointless and stupid! Maul has had a resurgence lately with Clone Wars and Rebels showing us what he got up to post-bisecting, and that should have been it… But now we’re forced to watch as he’s shoehorned into even more of the universe just because he’s a fan favourite and looks cool. It’s Boba Fett all over again.

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