Will recently ranked all of his favourite assassins in video games, in this article he mentioned: Assassin’s Creed could probably fill the list twice over which got me thinking… who actually IS my favourite Assassin to ever don the hood and hidden blade to shank their way through history?

So here I am to rank every Assassin in the Assassins Creed Universe! My only rule here is that they had to have been an Assassin at some point (Sorry Haytham but despite the training you were never actually an Assassin, scrub).

20. Desmond & William Miles

Will’s Note: “What is up with this guys texture? He looks like cake batter!

EUUUUUUGH. I hate the Miles’. I included them on this list because TECHNICALLY they are Assassins even though all it seems they do is sit around in a cave and chat absolute rubbish. I get that Desmond EVENTUALLY goes out and actually does some Assassinating but I always find those sections of the game to be so incredibly boring and just wishing I could get back to the Animus.

Every time Desmond opens his stupid mouth I wish he would just shut the hell up. He is an absolutely rubbish Assassin that doesn’t do anything of worth. His father is no better, showing up at the last minute to “save the day” he just talks down to Desmond the whole time (therefore talks down to me) and makes me hate him even more.

I have bundled these two together because I hate them equally and I wanted to keep this list to 20 entries.

19. Charlotte De La Cruz

Charlotte De La Cruz | Pop Culture Uncovered
Must suck every time you draw your blade and you slice your fingers…

Charlotte first appeared in the spin off comic books of the franchise and whilst less infuriating than the Miles’ she still hasn’t won much love with me over the years. I think it might be because she is another Animus user and is one of those characters that works to just shoehorn the Sci Fi element into the franchise instead of actually doing anything of worth.

Unlike Desmond though, Charlotte actually does do SOMETHING at least and hunts down a rogue Assassin, taking down a branch of Abstergo and saves some of her friends.

I also appreciate that Charlotte works with a team but they are so immemorable I am not even going to include them on this list.

18. Connor Kenway

Tomahawk, or butter knife? I don’t know which to use.

I will not attempt to spell his actual name so I will just call him by his Americanised name instead. The son of fan favourite Templar: Haytham Kenway – Connor should have been incredibly charming and brilliant in his ways.

Instead he comes across as a brat and whilst he does fight the good fight throughout the course of Assassins Creed 3 and eventually become a character I grow to like – the insufferable first few hours with him stick rigidly in my mind.

17. Tom & Hiram Stoddard

“If i pull it down like this it adds to my air of mystery”

These guys are rad but they don’t get enough screen time (paper time?) and that’s why they unfortunately have to sit this low on my list. Again, I rank them together due to their familial ties and the fact they don’t have as much time as some of the other Assassins on this list but they couldn’t be more different characters.

Thomas in particular was a Master Assassin active during the Salem Witch Trials (Ubisoft – make a game of this now where you do magic and stuff yeah?) and represented everything right with the Assassins Brotherhood in America – oozing coolness he was the perfect Assassin to lead the American chapter of the Brotherhood.

Hiram on the other hand was a British Assassin active in Italy and trained under Ezio. Despite coming across as a bit of a clown, it became quickly apparent that he would lose his cool when he became angered – earning him the title of “Bloody Hiram Stoddard”.

16. Nikolai Andreievich Orelov

Why does the horse look more intense than the Assassin?

The first and only member of the Russian brotherhood of Assassins is Nikolai. I personally haven’t been a fan of the side scrolling Assassins Creed games but they’re good enough at telling stories and illustrating how bad ass some of these guys can be.

The grandfather of the infamous Master Templar Alex Cross, Nikolai has a pretty famous lineage. What causes him to rank fairly low on this list however, is that Nikolai is responsible for more than one disaster in his time as an Assassin… But he worked with Tesla so he gets a few extra bonus points here.

There we go! That’s the rankings of some of the worst Assassins throughout the franchise. Did I cheat by including the future based Assassins or is that okay in your eyes? Where would you rank all of these Assassins. Let me know in the comments below and stay tuned next week for part 2!

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