Fresh off the news that Godfall’s appearance as a PlayStation Plus game for December, but as more of a demo than the full game, has subscribers around the world seething. One question hangs over everyone’s heads, keeping in mind that Godfall has received nothing but mediocre reviews since launch and the sole thing keeping its head above water is the fact it has been available on the PS5 since just after the console’s release. That question, simply put is:

The fuck?!

Behold! A room full of the fucks I give!

It is pretty clear what level of contempt Sony and Godfall’s developer, Counterplay Games, who are so immersed in obscurity that they don’t even have a Wikipedia page for me to see what else they’ve inflicted on the world (and critique) are living on. I’m so baffled by this powerful abundance of implied indifference regarding their interest in how they are perceived by the masses that I am happy to offer my services directly to them through the medium of this article.

Any attempt at professionalism has been swept away by the potency of fury (future Malice song title?) I am currently experiencing so feel free to check out some of my other less ranting work if your ears are sensitive to strong words and formidable opinions.

One of us is being thrown into the abyss if you say ‘Challenger Edition’ once more

I’ve never played Godfall before, or even watched any real gameplay for it. Sure, I thought the snippets of the concept shown during its promotion in 2020 looked OK enough for me to entertain when I eventually got my hands on a PS5, but due to the fact its price has rigidly remained beyond the boundaries I’ve been willing to part with, I have stayed on the fence on the topic of actually playing it. I nearly bought it a week prior to the confirmation it would be December’s headline Plus game for PS5, as it was down to an almost acceptable price of £20 in the PSN Black Friday sale, but as it was leaked as an almost certainty to be a Plus game I abstained. How glad I now am of that..

I am already sick of reminders that if we enjoy the Diet Godfall experience players are invited to purchase the full game at an, as yet, undisclosed price. In response to that, and because I appreciate we’re all busy people, I’d like to retort with the simple rebuttal: Fuck right off.

I should have been the one to fill your dark soul with BOREDOOOOOOM

I have decided I am going to play and, most likely, be underwhelmed by the Godfall demo which will be aggressively shat onto my PS5 hard drive on the 7th of December. I’ve even gone to the trouble of lining up Luke, Will and my lifemate / spirit guide, alcohol, to join me on the misadventure through mediocrity we are likely to experience. I will be entering the game session with my lowest ever pre-judgement of a game, and I hope Godfall: Chunderer Edition is ready for a good old fashioned burning at the stake as a sacrificial lamb to whichever being on high is tasked with deciding the PlayStation Plus games for 2022. I am available to read excerpts from the Necronomicon and burn some sage leaves if it’ll help avoid repeating this utter, shameful, embarrassing fuck-up fiasco.

Thanks for reading, or for skipping to the end to see if my tirade results in my inevitable rage aneurysm where my head hits my keyboard and the words drift off into eternal mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm’s. I’ll try my best to let you know how my time with Godballs goes so look out for that coming later this month!

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