This subject is probably one of the subjects that annoy’s me more than anything, other than not owning a pet duck and constantly running out of rum. Having been brought up with a massively feminist ex-lesbian grandmother, by far the strongest minded women I’ve ever known and probably ever will know, women being treated like objects just massively irritates me, in real life or in fantasy land.

I’m not going to lie here, I’m not a huge “gamer” per say, but having spent the majority of the past year and a half with Adam of Set In Stone, who, if he doesn’t have a controller in his hand, he’s thinking about it, talking about it, watching someone else do it…If only he had such dedication to other tasks. But my point is, I’ve seen my fair share of things that thoroughly piss me errf. (yes you were meant to read that in Cartman’s voice)

My first experience of a female protagonist, as for most people, was the fabulous Lara Croft. Even though she is a very voluptuous, sexy and without a doubt, at times underdressed for the task at hand, she is a super fucking duper strong lady. If you are mentally able to look past her, ahem, assets, you can see a lady who takes no shit and for fucking sure doesn’t “need no man” to do her stuff for her. I was especially excited that in the new game, her clothes have suddenly grown and she out there executing even more badassery than ever before. None of this helpless “damsel in distress” “I need a hero to come and rescue me” (No offence Zelda, or PP, but you could take a leaf out of this heroines books and kick some serious ass) so for those reasons, Lady Croft is exempt from the point I am about to make.

Now don’t get me wrong, boobs are amazing, bums are awesome and the combination of the two is mindblowing, but to a point it becomes unnecessary. Yes, they are a part of female anatomy but not every (strong, sexy) woman has DD+ (Natalie Portman, Ellen Page, Cate Blanchett, Milla Jovovich, etc) so why is there this need for the majority of female characters to have over exaggerated assets?! It’s easier to think of larger breasted ladies than the opposite.

I hear the faint excuses of people in my mind “The games are made for men” “It’s what men want” “It sells so why stop it” No. Just….no. Stop, turn around, go sit in front of a mirror and think about what you’re saying. Maybe grab a bottle of wine and cry a bit. Then, of course, I hear the retaliation that really makes me lose it. “Men are oversexualised too”. Again, no. these games are mostly created by men. I read them being referred to as “Male power fantasies” and I totally agree. When was the last time that you played a game with a buff, femme, strong minded woman who has to battle her way to her weedy, underdressed partner who has been taken and needs rescuing. What’s that? Never, I hear you say? Yeah.

Women are mostly represented in scanty armour that wouldn’t defend even the slightest scratch from a kitten and doing the ass and titties pose. Another point I have to make involves the “games made for men” and “stupidly over sexualisation of ladies” is Dead Or Alive. In my head I see a male, ages 14-40 giggling to himself whilst shaking the controller and watching dem titties bounce as his mother makes his dinner downstairs. There, I said it. If the games can be sexist, so can I.

Anyway, before I get too carried away I have compiled a list of the ladies that frustrate me the most.

1.Felicia (Darkstalkers)

Just….look at it. The first word that spring to my mind is Hentai. The whole feline/no clothes/utter helplessness of her whole persona just really infuriates me. When Adam and I used to play Marvel Vs. Capcom 3 and she was selected as my opponent I used to get so angry I would play harder than ever just to kick her ass. And yes, she’s shown as an attractive female but hear this. Attractive, yes. But, in cat years she is 40, with the body of a 20 year old but, and that is a big but…..she’s 7. Seven years old. I leave it at that.

2. Mai Shiranui

The only words I have for this lady is something I found on her Wikipedia page. “The character became the main sex symbol of SNK, often being chosen to represent the company in the various crossover and spin-off titles. Mai is also widely regarded as one of the most popular and recognisable female characters of the fighting genre and video gaming in general, largely due to her sex appeal”  Not known for kicking ass or being awesome. No. for her sex appeal.

3. Juliet Starling (Lollipop Chainsaw)

I watched Adam play this game and it infuriated me beyond belief. There’s no denying she’s badass, but that outfit..really? For what she’s doing (fighting zombies) it’s just ridiculous. Why couldn’t she have been wearing a really gross pair of sweatpants with en equally unflattering top? Because sex that’s why.

4.Ayumi (X-Blades)

The picture shown is an official picture from the games pr company. Not fan art. That is all I have to say about her.

5.Slime Elena (Rage of Bahamut)

The picture you are about to see are the evolution of the card “Slime Elena” from the virtual card game “Rage Of Bahamut” and the reactions I gave as I evolved her.

“Awh, look at that cute little blue blob with it’s little arms and adorable eyes…awwh”

“Okay, not much difference but still cute and blobby and all”

“Awh it’s purple now….wait what…are those boobs?…”

“Wow ok I’m totally fucking done with this” *note from Adam – we were both pretty fucking shocked with this”

What on earth happened to that adorable blob of goo!? Japan. That’s what happened.

So there it is, the top 5 annoying over sexualisation of ladies, in my opinion and in games I’ve experienced.

Now, on a lighter notes, here’s some awesome strong women from games.

1. Lara.

BOOM this lady is amazing and strong and damn blooming well sexier than any of the above.

2.Ellie

14 and badass.

3.Alyx Vance

Hacker, badass extraordinaire.

4. Samus

Feminine figure? Check  Good at what she does? Check Could kick your ass in any given situation? Double check.

So you see I’m not some nut job who hates all women in games. The women I have compared are obviously different and I know without a doubt which category I would rather be in.