Red Dead Redemption 2 is out and our home screens are filled with PSN ID’s or Gamertags all being associated to this one game… As such, we’re all taking a much needed break to share the stupidest stories of things we have done in a Rockstar game!
Yes, I know you’re bored of it, Ben’s talking about a racing game again… It’s Midnight Club LA again. This game on the Xbox 360 was fortunate to have its online servers picked up by a third-party to allow the online play to continue. This meant that when I did play the game, I could still go online with my friends – One evening, we got into a server that had another player hacking… Remember kids, hacking is wrong and illegal, so don’t do it. In this lobby though, we managed to make contact with the hacker and persuaded him through direct messages on the Xbox to do some fun things with our cars, like over-size our wheels so we have a monster truck with so much power that the back wheels throw you into a back flip every time you touch the accelerator.
Changing the panels of the car into surfaces that could emit light as if it was an under car neon, the one thing that we asked not to happen was that he didn’t give us any money for use in the game. This meant that we where able to enjoy the fun with no consequences… But remember, cheating is bad.
In Grand Theft Auto 4, I did that stupid, silly thing everyone’s who’s played a Rockstar sandbox has probably entertained doing now and then: Acting like a normal person.
I would just do that sometimes, though. I’d wake up at my swanky Middle Park East apartment, then walked out to see the beautiful Humboldt River – My save was near dawn, so the light reflected on it very nicely. I’d walk along it for a while before grabbing a parked car (Well, I mean, it is still GTA) and just drove around the city, obeying traffic laws… Just experiencing that #LibertyCityLife. Even if you obey the traffic laws, it kind of funny to see how the NPCs can crack it sometimes – They’ll get impatient and break a red light, just plough into someone or someone’s car… You’ll also sometimes see police chase random civis who have broken the law (Presumably), and amongst all the people window shopping, talking, smoking, whatever, it just feels so… Alive…
Sometimes its nice to just appreciate that sort of effort before you blow the shit out of everything.
Mine isn’t so much a stupid thing I have done ON a Rockstar game – Moreover something stupid I’ve done WITH a Rockstar game and that’s perfectly simple.
I own 5 copies of Grand Theft Auto V.
I bought it on the 360 when I first had a chance, then when I moved over to the PS3 as people told me we DEFINITELY would be playing it online so I got it there… THEN I got it in a bundle of something for PC, and for some reason I own it on Xbox One – I DON’T EVEN OWN AN XBOX ONE – Before finally buying it on PS4 last month to play with Respawning’s own Josef.
Okay, so 4 of them were shit ideas to buy, BUT this last one I have had too much fun with Joe and Josef to ever regret.
San Andreas. 10/10 amirite? Anyways I spent so many hours on that game pissing about with cheats and stupid stunts. In fact until we got Just Cause 2, I’d say there wasn’t a game that I had that much fun on for years… So what did I do that’s so great that it sticks in my memory? I’m sure most of you did it too but I used to love going to the top of Mount Chilliad.
Spawning a hovercraft because cheats, and honing that bitch off the ramp at the top and wouldn’t ypu know it, the hovercraft can glide all the way back to Los Santos!
I mean isn’t that amazing? No, of course it’s not; it’s an impossibility of physics but fuck it! It was awesome! If you haven’t done it then load that game back up and take a crack at it! For bonus laughs go start a two player server on PC, and allow your mate to lop your head off with a katana… Then enjoy playing in single player as permanently headless CJ. Sick right?
There’s all the usual stuff of getting chased by police, surviving for as long as possible, trying to steal aircraft from the airport and escape, tackling army bases whilst being utterly under-equipped… But I remember in San Andreas I just spent hours just riding dirt bikes up mountains just to jump off and parachute, over and over again. My god I had way more free time as a kid. I just hope RDR2 has that same element of fun.
Another silly thing I did was never buying GTAV on current gen as I’d done eveything I’d wanted on PS3… Now I miss it… It might be time for another playthrough…
The first week of GTAV Online was perhaps the funniest week of my life, as my classmates and I finally let loose together in a world we’d spent the past few months exploring alone and frantically discussing across the table at lunchtime.
But there’s one memory that, for whatever reason, sticks in my mind: hopscotch.
No, not the game with a rope, the GTA Online version which substituted the rope for a Ferrari. Stand in the road, wait until you heard your mate slamming it towards you at 120mph, and try and jump over the car.
Many a pant was pissed that evening.
So the dumbest thing I’ve done in a Rockstar game is start a posse of some randoms in RDR and just became known as the Dynamite Gang. We would run amok just throwing dynamite at peoples horses and causing all kinds of mayhem. We were pretty notorious and a couple of us were at max level so we had some zebra riding, dynamite throwing outlaws being absolute shits in the Wild West.
I can barely remember what we did since I was so young when RDR1 actually came out but if I can find that same level of fun in RDR2 then this game will serve its purpose and then some… Now that RDR2 is here you know Dyna-Gang is coming back…
I have two unique tales that I’ll always keep dear to my heart – The first being the tale of the ‘Stagecoach Bridge Rabbit’, and my experience of becoming ‘The Wife of the President’. I’ll start with the ‘Stagecoach Bridge Rabbit’.
‘Stagecoach Bridge Rabbit’ takes place in the realm of Red Dead Redemption (As does the next tale), in a session with my old mates Owen, Billy and Luke (Unfortunately not Respawning Luke); for some bizarre reason, we were infatuated with the Stagecoach in RDR, and it’s fucky physics, ESPECIALLY when travelling thin cliffs or narrow ledges… So we did what any aspiring jockey would do, and piled the four of us into a Stagecoach and attempted to navigate the most hazardous locale in all of the wild, wild west – The Tall Trees Waterfall Bridge – The thinnest, ricketiest bridge in all of Red Dead Redemption…
So we made our trail, and approached the bridge – We were greeted by a few outlaw players who were pelting us with Tomahaws and Dynamite… Against the odds, we were surviving! We even managed to kill off the remaining bandits, and all seemed fine as we literally grinded across the thin wooden planks and tracks towards the other side, Tony Hawk-style…
We were about another 10 seconds away from the other side, all cheering triumphantly… Until a single, stray rabbit hopped onto the tracks – I don’t need to spell it out, but this small creature ended up in our way, and, as we hit that bunp, filled with regret, we felt the pure force of vengeance exact it’s bloody and violent revenge upon us – Somehow, our Stagecoach’s rear left wheel, the one that we were using to maintain a grip on the bridge, hit the rabbit and was flung up into the air, sending us flying off the bridge as if a large gust of wind had struck us… All four of us plummeted to our deaths in the icy brine beneath, laughing in disbelief and pure horror that a single, tiny creature could do so much damage…
…So what did we do?
…Well we went back to the mines and got another Stagecoach of course. In a display of roleplaying that would make my Year 9 Drama teacher proud, we decided to go on a mass pilgrimage from Tall Trees, to Mexico, and back up to Blackwater, taking Luke (The President of the United States) on a political tour of the two countries to help spread his agenda of ‘uniting the two lands so everyone could get some’. It was a noble effort, and I was tasked with being his trusty (Arranged) wife, with Owen acting as our bodyguard and Billy being the Mexican hitman who would tail us throughout our travels in an attempt to disassemble the American leader.
We made our stop at a small Mexican town where I tried to make an escape from the ruthless President… But was promptly captured by his bodyguard, after being ran over by a horse-drawn carriage. We then made haste towards the border, hitman hot on our heels, defending ourselves from an onslaught of rifle and pistol fire, before our Stagecoach was crashed by being T-boned by the hitman’s carriage…
From there it was an arduous journey to make it to Blackwater… Where, upon arriving, the President was meant to give a speech to the fair people there, uniting the two fronts… But nobody came, and the President instead used the taxpayer’s money on developing an unprecedented gambling addiction – All of the money from the taxman of Blackwater, gone; a city plunged into financial ruin… And soon after, a President laid dead in a hotel room, tomahawk in skull, murdered by his very wife.
It was an unforgettably terrible and ad-hoc roleplaying experience… But one I’ll never forget.