Sometimes, you just really want to punch someone into the stratosphere, right? Outside of gaming this isn’t something you can really experience, and even within games it’s not exactly common. In fact, as games become more and more graphically realistic and story driven, I think we might be losing touch with the sheer wacky fun they can be. The reason my mind is drifting to the golden age of lunacy is because recently I was reminded of an absolute classic of fun over substance title. God Hand.

The Roulette wheel of Juggalo song titles

Capcom has recently had bucketloads of success by remaking their iconic Resident Evil games, whether you like the remakes or think they should have left well enough alone it’s not hard to see that this move has been a real money maker. So maybe the team behind so many famous franchises might take a crack at remake a few other titles? Now I’m not asking for a ground up remake like the resi games or even the generation hopping FF7, but maybe we could all do with a remaster of this classic beat em up?

Pictures courtesy of Joe Exotic’s basement

For those who don’t know or have somehow forgotten, God Hand is a slick beat em up game where you play as Gene, a cocky travelling martial artist who goes place to place beating down thugs with some rad looking martial arts, all aided by the power of his “God Hand” a tribal tattooed right arm that he can unleash for some devastating and hilarious super moves. How hilarious I hear you ask? Well one move is a super powered back hand titled “Pimp hand” and another is a cheeky kick to the nethers, the famous “ball-buster”. All of these said supers comes up on Gene’s roulette wheel and you have a limited to to choose which way you’ll smack a bitch five ways from Sunday! Gene has a personality that would make him a good fit for a Devil May Cry protagonist, being arrogant but also entertaining enough to forgive his more negative traits. He also looks like he would be at home any game produced by Hideki Kamiya.

I have plenty of fond memories blasting through God Hand with my friends handing the controller between us on each death, and that was something that happened all too often as this title is not exactly a walk in the park, I won’t fall into the trope of calling it the “Dark Souls of fighting games” but for someone who up until that time had breezed most video games, God Hand actually made me flex my digits and try hard. A few years after its initial release, I downloaded it onto my girlfriends PS3 basically as something I could muck around with while I wait on her to get ready and once again it floored me with its style and silliness. Punching my way through thugs in different environments never got dull and Gene seemed to have an endless stream of quips to keep me giggling the whole time even on the second and then third playthrough.

Jet Fuel can’t melt steel beams, but this will still wrap around your dome…

Unlike the other famous properties of Capcom and Clover, God Hand has gone 14 years without even a hint of a sequel, now this could be taken as a scathing indictment of its lack of success. OR we could rose tinted spectacle this and say maybe it just didn’t need a sequel? Maybe it managed to tell the story it wanted to in just one single game! Even I don’t really believe that but whatever it’s more fun to pretend isn’t it…

Yeah no this place will need remodeling

Now I know what you’re thinking, “But Will, I’ve never heard of this game? So, who even WANTS a remake?!” Well if you’d been paying attention you would have remembered that I want a remaster, not a remake, just a quick polish then chuck it on the digital stores for a decent price. I no there isn’t anywhere close to the demand here for other iconic titles, but God Hand’s ludicrous style and goofiness might be just the salve that I need in this chaotic and confusing world! If you haven’t given it a go then maybe try picking up a copy or downloading it to an older console? You’ll be in for a wild ride and really what do you have to lose? If you’re a fan of stylish games like Devil May Cry, Bayonetta or even No More Heroes then this should be a title you try at least once!

%d bloggers like this: