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William’s Top Ten Easiest Boss Battles!!

 

So not too long ago I wrote a little article about the top 10 hardest bosses in gaming. So as I was sitting here thinking of something to do that wasn’t play more Titanfall 2 (I’m slightly obsessed), I thought why not make it opposite day? Why not write about my top 10 easiest bosses? Balance out the universe!

10) Sephiroth (Final Fantasy VII)

So old Sephie was on my last list anyway as a nightmare Kingdom Hearts boss who would wreck everything you love before you even realized you loved it. So surely in his debut appearance you’d think he would be a beast as well?! No… he’s not at all. Prior to fighting him in his normal form you have to battle through the infamous “Safer Sephiroth” which is the REAL final boss of the game. Following this proper fight the leading man Cloud Strife is forced into a mental battle against the white haired devil himself…and then you do one attack…end of game no more worries. Where the fight!? The epic conclusion to Cloud’s vengeance! One hit wonders are going to be a pretty common theme though out this article so get ready!

9) Professor Nakayama (Borderlands 2: Sir Hammerlocks Big Game Hunt)

I was trying my best to avoid any characters you don’t even hit (that seemed TOO easy) but this dude is just too hilarious to miss! The professor is a pretty weak guy and spends most of his spin off DLC screaming down your ECHO about how he’ll destroy you. When the time comes he approaches the top of a sizeable staircase and as the health bar fills you get ready for a decent battle and then he falls down the stairs… the health bar falling apart like so many lego creations I made over the years as he hits each step. Finally when he lands at the bottom…he’s dead. Game over!

8) Cloud ‘n’ Candy (Yoshi’s Story)

Yoshi’s Story is painfully twee… sweet and adorable and hard to play if you’re over 10. Even as a child I knew that I was being spoon fed a victory in a game. So say hello to Cloud ‘n’ Candy… a cloud made of candy. So we all know what Yoshi’s special ability is right? Eating bad guys yeah? So is a boss made of candy a threat? Not even a little! You don’t even have to worry about health since every part of him you eat heals you fully! So pathetic!

7) Yu Yevon (Final Fantasy X)

Not many bosses exist that actively try to help you kill them. Yevon is the big bad of Final Fantasy X. Being an evil god that controls the events of the story to make everything ever try to kill you. So when you finally confront this floating death orb you better buckle up and prepare for a beast of a battle right?! WRONG! Yevon barely harms you and if he does some how manage to kill any of your party members he’ll immediately revive them for you anyway! There seems to be no way to lose this fight and it just comes down to a attacking slog as you try to do enough damage to finally kill the most pathetic thing in the game (aside from leading man Tidus…)

6) Lucian (Fable II)

Fable II is one of my favorite games ever. It had everything I wanted swords, guns, magic and a dog! The only thing it didn’t have was a satisfying conclusion. So you’ve spent the whole game seeking vengeance on the evil Lucian. A man who killed your sister, enslaved a lot of innocent people to build his wish granting doom tower and worst of all KILLED YOUR DOG! So you want vengeance. Big time vengeance and what do you get? A long-winded speech where you can shoot him ONCE to kill him. That’s it and if that wasn’t weak enough for you then wait for Lucian’s speech to go on a little too long and your ally Reaver (still the greatest thing Stephen Fry has done with his career) will kill him for you… great.

5) Bowser (Super Mario Bros.)

Who doesn’t love a classic right!? We’ve probably all got great memories of the little Italian plumber. What’s often forgotten about him is just how much he phoned it in on his first proper outing. Bowser the megalomaniac kidnapping super turtle is an intimidating sight when you first see him. Spewing flames and jumping around trying to crush you and your dreams! How do you beat him? Jump over him an destroy the bridge he’s standing on. Well done you’ve just killed the greatest evil in the Mushroom Kingdom! And you didn’t even break a sweat.

4) Al Mualim (Assassin’s Creed)

I’ll be honest I struggled with Al Mualim the first time I fought him. With his multiple clones and the fact you have to fend them all off with perfectly timed parry counters since you have so little health and one hit will drop you like the U.K economy (Topical right?). So when Luke suggested I include him on the list I didn’t know what he was on about. So I brought out the old PS3 and took another crack at him and you know what? He’s easy! After a few years of growing and maturing you learn to dodge the old bastard rather than panic and desperately try to attack his beardy clones and get your robed ass handed to you. Landing one parry attack on the REAL old mentor will end the fight about a minute after it’s started and if that doesn’t earn him a place on this list then I don’t know what will!

3) 343-Guilty Spark (Halo 3)

Who’d have thought the final boss of the first Halo trilogy would be the series answer to C-3P0? Guilty Spark is a thorn in the side of the Master Chief in Halo 1 and 2 serving more as an irritating distraction than a real threat. In 3 you’re led to believe he’s a peaceful little fella who’s changed his annoying ways and only wants to help you and he does! Well up until the finale where he realizes your plan would destroy his precious Halo Installation so he suddenly unveils his ability to fire MASSIVE LASER BEAMS out of his eye! First using this power to kill series staple Sgt. Johnson so yeah you want revenge! The battle begins and what does he do? Floats about and sometimes slowly fires the beam towards you as you lazily step to the left to avoid it and grab the nearby Spartan Laser that will kill him 3 shots. Well done you just killed the last enemy in the game! The following Warthog drive over a collapsing environment will provide way more challenge than this fight so we could call that the final battle really!

2) King Dodongo (Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time)

So most Legend of Zelda bosses are pretty easy. Simple routines that you need to work out and hit at the right times to win get your heart and move on. I could have really added any of them to this list and I doubt anyone would have questioned it but I felt like one stood above all others as the weakest. King Dodongo. So this massive reptilian creature terrified us when he first appears in his perfectly square lair full of lava you get yourself into a fuss about how your pointy eared blonde hero will fight this CLEARY against the odds battle! It’s actually possible to avoid taking any damage at all during the fight so calm down! Apparently Link has the strongest knees and back in history as all he need do is crouch down and the shield on his back will protect him from everything the King throws his way! As for your attack just pick up a bomb plant every now and again and toss it into his massive gaping maw 3 times and you’ll be done and getting your aforementioned heart!

1) Mysterio (Spiderman 2)

Here we have it! The reason I made the list in the first place! Mysterio was the first boss in a game that I remember being laughably easy (I actually did laugh!). The old mystery man is a side boss all through the game taking up a few little side missions to distract you from the main story each time giving you a difficult gauntlet to run/swing through to prove you’re the hero you say you are. After you’ve proved your superiority enough times Mysterio disappears from the game for sometime and you forget he was even there and then as if from no where you find him attempting to rob a convenience store… bit of a fall from grace. So you confront ol’ fishbowl head and he decides it’s time for a final showdown. 3 health bars slowly fill up and you brace yourself for a beast of a boss battle. Charging in you land the first punch and…done he’s knocked out in one hit and his glass dome comes flying off leaving him a pathetic mess on the floor leaving you wondering what the point of it all was anyway.

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